I just got home from the city where I grew up. It is a place that my heart aches for and aches just as much to leave. It is and was a city of huge sky and dreams, of extreme weather and moods. It is a place of friends with big smiles and even bigger hearts. It is a place that haunts my cells and is still my pulse.

So why did I leave?

I know the answer but it is one that is hard to say out loud.

I ran away. That’s easy to say.

I ran to where I felt I could no longer be touched by family or memories. I wanted to create a new world for myself. A new family that was fresh and young and perfect.

Not there was anything wrong with the old one. In fact it was pretty good, but I was just too angsty to realize it. That and I was scared. I wanted the world. I wanted to be separate and apart and unencumbered. In short, and this is the hard part, I was selfish. I wanted my own life. I didn’t want the world of my parents to be my own.

Little did I know I wouldn’t or couldn’t leave it all behind. Life follows. You can run, but unless you are in a witness protection program, and for the record I wasn’t, you can’t hide.

What I was running from, I discovered, were my own fears. Not my parents, not the city in which I lived, but myself.

And what did I find when I ran?

I found that I was right and wrong. I found that where I came from is who I am. I found that you can go home again, to visit, and that love is forgiving.

I found what home is.

Home is freedom.

It is the place where tantrums are allowed because of unconditional love.

It is a place of unexpected connections, of friendships and continuity.

It is a place where we are remembered by a few very well, and by many by name.

It is a place to come back to in victory or defeat.

Home is forgiving of mistakes and loving you for recognizing them.

Home is warm even when it’s freezing outside. It is the mitten for your heart when it’s been left out in the cold. Home is way more than a four letter word.

How do you feel about your home town? Is it perfect just the way it is or do you yearn for bright lights and the big city?

Are you a country person at heart?

What is the thing you like the most about your city or town? Why do you like it? How does it make you feel when you leave and then come home?
These are questions I wrestle with all of the time. Maybe your observations can help me find some answers. I certainly hope you will share your insights with me.